When Arachnophobia strikes!
by Girlbrainiac
Summary: Tyferlin shrinks himself permanently and now must endure being the muse of an annoying author, and science experiment of an arachnophobic apprentice mage. Second chapter is up, and I hope it's better than the first. Some body tell me please.
1. Episode 1: Shorty!

When Arachnophobia strikes!  
  
Episode #1: Shorty  
  
Spiders, spiders everywhere,  
  
Spiders, spiders in your hair,  
  
Spiders, spiders on the stair,  
  
I'm the one who put them there!  
  
Cast:  
  
TYFERLIN, a drow  
  
ARIANA, an apprentice mage  
  
GENIV, a talking cat  
  
ME, the author of this fic  
  
***  
  
(Scene: tunnels outside of Menzoberranzan, the scout for a patrol (Tyferlin) finds a strange door. Tyferlin is dressed in piwafwi, etc. Hair is chin-length and half is tied back leaving the bottom part hanging down. Has a silver earring hanging from one ear.)  
  
Tyferlin: huh? It must be someone's idea of a joke…  
  
(Tries to walk through but can't)  
  
Tyferlin: It must be enchanted, I'll just try my hand crossbow  
  
(Shoots dart through passageway without trouble)  
  
Tyferlin: I see… It only lets small things through. It probably leads to Arach-Tinilith then, to let all those awful spiders through!  
  
(Lightening bolt strikes him out of nowhere)  
  
Tyferlin (flatly): ow.  
  
(pulls out a small vial, drinks all of the contents, and shrinks to eight inches tall)  
  
Tyferlin: Okay. Here we go… heheheh…  
  
(walks down hallway and pauses)  
  
Tyferlin: How long did Quilek say this thing lasts?  
  
(starts to get uneasy)  
  
*flashback*  
  
Quilek: If you drink too much of this it will never wear off 'dear' brother  
  
Tyferlin: How much is too much?  
  
Quilek: the whole vial.  
  
*End flashback*  
  
Tyferlin: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Me pops out of nowhere)  
  
Me: ooh! You're so short!  
  
Tyferlin: I hate you.  
  
Me: Why? You don't even know me!  
  
Tyferlin: I can already tell from your perky demeanor that we will have a personality conflict.  
  
Me: whoa. Whoever said that fighters are mentally challenged must not have met you before.  
  
Tyferlin: huh?  
  
Me: nevermind  
  
Tyferlin: Why are you here anyway?  
  
Me: To offer you the most honorary and distinguished office of "Muse" to one of the greatest authors of all time!  
  
Tyferlin: C.S. Lewis?  
  
Me (aggravated): No, you idiot! Me!  
  
Tyferlin: Umm… no.  
  
Me: Then be prepared to face my wrath!  
  
Tyferlin: eep! I'll do it! I'll do it!  
  
Me (smugly): I knew you'd see it my way.  
  
(Tyferlin grumbles)  
  
Me (thinking): Now where to put you…  
  
(Me, snaps fingers and both end up in a lavish bedroom, with Ariana talking to Geniv)  
  
Me: Take care of this little friend of mine won't you?  
  
Ariana (doesn't look up): If I do, what will you pay me.  
  
Me: Letting you stay in this story and not putting you back into the situation you were in my last fic, little fishy…  
  
Ariana (pales): don't remind me!  
  
Me: I knew-  
  
Geniv: you'd see it my way. We know!  
  
(Me glares at Geniv. Ariana looks up at Tyferlin)  
  
Ariana (gasps): I knew they existed!  
  
Tyferlin: WHAT!  
  
Ariana: Pygmy Elves! What a discovery! I'll be famous!  
  
Tyferlin: but-  
  
(Ariana picks him up and takes him to another room. Me shrugs shoulders and leaves) 


	2. Episode 2: The Mage School.

When Arachnophobia strikes! 

Episode #2: The mage school

Spiders, spiders everywhere,

Spiders, spiders in your hair,

Spiders, spiders on the stair,

I'm the one who put them there!

Cast:

TYFERLIN, a drow (short hair, half tied back, gray eyes, a silver earring dangle from one ear, is wearing basic drow equipment) (tends to be pessimistic)

ARIANA, an apprentice mage (wearing a purple robe with a red sash around waist, long curly black hair, and amber eyes) (Arachnophobic)

GENIV, a talking cat (black in color) (tends to be sarcastic)

ME, the author of this fic (use your imagination) (tends to be smug)

***

(Scene: Tyferlin is hiding behind a bookshelf, Geniv is chuckling, Ariana is looking for something)

Ariana: Now where'd he go?

Geniv: Who?

Ariana: Who else?

(Geniv snickers. A note suddenly appears in front of Ariana)

Ariana (reading): Check behind the bookshelf…

Tyferlin: Oh no!

Ariana: I heard that!

(Ariana runs to bookshelf)

(Tyferlin sees a spider, picks it up, and hides it behind his back. Ariana picks him up)

Ariana (as if talking to a child): I'm just going to ask you some questions.

Tyferlin (scowling): First one?

Ariana: What's behind your back?

Tyferlin (smirking): are you sure you want to know?

Ariana: Out with it.

(Tyferlin shows her spider, she screams, drops him, and starts to hyperventilate)

Tyferlin: OW! Would you mind not dropping me?

Ariana (grossed out): Slimy, nasty crawly, furry thing! Ugh!

Tyferlin: You know, where I come from Spiders are _sacred_, slimy, nasty crawly, furry things.

(Ariana snaps out of it and goes back to being fanatically curious)

Ariana: And where do you come from shortcake?

Tyferlin: Why would I tell you? And don't call me that!

Ariana: Just tell me!

(Tyferlin shifts uncomfortably)

Tyferlin: …no…

(Me pops into the room saving him from further embarrassment)

Me (perkily): Hi Everybody!

Tyferlin, Geniv, and Ariana (less than enthusiastic): Hi…

Me: They've been behaving haven't they, Geniv?

Geniv (sarcastically): Oh yes, they've been playing with spiders today, I can't leave them alone for a second.

Me: Who stepped on her tail?

(Ariana and Tyferlin point to each other)

Me: Uh-huh… Anyway, I have a story!

All except me: Point being?

Me: Let's sit down and read it!

Tyferlin (defiantly): What if we don't?

Me: How about… I turn you into a drider!

Tyferlin: eep! Uh… I mean… I'll be happy to sit down and read your iblith story!

(Me glares at Tyferlin)

Summary: Sheila le'Grue, a mercenary, has run out of work! She decides to go to the library of Sarbryn to look through the quest section, hoping to find something that she hasn't done yet. Is there anything that can be done? Will she find a quest? Will she be out of work forever? Will she survive the trip?

Ariana (suspicious): Sarbryn? That's where I go to school…

Me: Oh, I know. I'm the one who wrote you, remember?

Ariana: That's what I'm afraid of…

Geniv: can't we just get on with the story?

***********************************************************************

I had been rather bored of late, no dragons to slay, no villages to save from marauding giants, no trouble of any kind. In other words, I was out of work. Of course you may think I'd be happy that the villages were safe, and I was, of course I was, except that I now had nothing to do. I was restless, and I knew that if something didn't happen soon, I'd go hungry too. A dragon's treasure only lasts so long, you know.

Luckily, I still had enough money to rent a horse. It wasn't much of a horse, but it had enough strength in it to get me to Sarbryn and the famous library of the Mage School. A wizard of advanced age sat on the steps mumbling to himself.

"Um… Hello?" I nervously tried to get his attention. He continued to mumble to himself.

"Piggly-wiggly-sniggly?" he continued talking to himself.

"Um… sir?"

"No… that can't be it…"

"Sir?"

"Pickle-snickle?"

"Could you tell me if this is the Mage School?"

"Prickly-wickly?" he seemed to be trying to remember something.

Totally out of patience I practically screamed "SIR, IS THIS THE MAGE SCHOOL!?"

He looked up at me, bewildered.

"Why yes, yes, of course. This, my dear girl, is the Mage School. However, the library is closed today."

I scowled at him, not really thinking the term 'girl' gave me any justice. Sure I was young and beautiful... but I wasn't a child. The news that the library was closed put me in an even worse mood.

"Do you know when the library will be open again?" trying to compose myself but failing miserably. He seemed deep in thought and I almost screamed at him again, but he answered before I could do any more damage to his ears.

"As soon as I remember the password…"

I nearly fell over.

"What do you mean, 'as soon as I remember the password'!? Why do you need a password for a library?!"

This really seemed to irk him, so, out of self-preservation, I decided to wait elsewhere. Of course, elsewhere meant the local tavern, a place for apprentice mages to occupy themselves in their free time, a place by the name of The Glowing Wand.

Despite the name, the place was rather dark, only having enough light to see by in the smoky interior. A platform was set up for the entertainers (usually some rowdy apprentices) to stand on. (I knew this because of the various burn marks on the walls.)

I found a relatively quiet table in the corner of the room, where, being a stranger (and a beautiful one at that) I wouldn't be noticed.

Unfortunately, two young mages noticed me anyway.

"This one's mine!"

"No way Krylan, she was obviously looking at me!"

"Oh really, now what makes you say that! It's obvious that she was looking at me!"

"Why would she look at you! That horrid face would scare her even in the dimmest light!"

"Well, you're so fat, I'm surprised the pig-keeper hasn't taken you to market!"

"We'll see who's the pig around here! This foul boy whose insult's mine, turn him now into a swine!" with that he pointed a finger at his rival; a small spark flew from the end of it and engulfed the other boy in light. When the light faded nothing had seemed to happen, until you looked behind him that is. A curly pigtail had grown where before there had been nothing.

There were many snickers all around.

"Oh, is that the best you could do! A flash of light, oh I'm REALLY impressed. Maybe you can do a fireball next time, unless, of course, that is above your meager skills. I will now show you true magic! Skeletons I'm asking five, leave this young man not alive, as you dance and weave and dive!"

Five puffs of smoke appeared and shaped themselves into skeletons, ethereal but very fierce looking. The one called Krylan was shaking in fear, until the skeletons began to dance a jig, oh he was still shaking, but it was with mirth not fear.

"Dancing skeletons? Hehehe! Is that all? I thought you were going to do real magic! Now this is a little spell that I found in Master Kerrod's scrolls, a true gem, AND rather simple! Help me now, in my need, worry not of this man's greed, from some water grows a seed!"

With this he raised his arms with a dramatic flare, meaning to bring them down and aim at his opponent, but it was too late, and the damage was done, a large whirlpool appeared in the ceiling, sucking up the skeletons who had been line-dancing (badly at that). Spray from the gravity-defying whirlpool showered all in the room, including the duelers.

"Was that supposed to be a useful spell? All you did was redecorate the ceiling, badly at that. I, have the perfect spell to stop your babbling! Now… let me see… A babbling fool, so much you be, a fiery tongue shall not harm me, a silent you will set me free!"

He pointed at the other apprentice, who ducked as a fireball launched itself towards him. It missed and headed straight towards me, singeing my hair, and causing another burn mark on the wall behind me.

I decided to move elsewhere, namely, closer to the duelers with my sword out, hoping that they would get 'the point'.

The surprised look on their faces showed that they did.

"Would you mind sitting down? You've caused enough damage for one day, thank you."

They quickly sat down without a word, not wishing to be skewered, and I returned to my table, ordering a drink from a passing barmaid.

A young woman headed toward my table, her black hair flowing down her back, and her honey-hued orbs shining with gratitude.

"Um… hello," I greeted her, hesitantly, not quite sure who she was.

She sat down at the chair opposite me, having a clear purpose in mind.

"I would just like to thank you for quieting those two down, they are so annoying, neither of them has a lot of talent. Of course, you've probably realized that."

"Of course. Is there a point? Do you wish to express your gratitude by paying me? Or are you just going to sit there?"

She looked shocked. What can I say? I'm a mercenary, and I'm desperate. After staring at me for a few seconds, she recovered.

"Um, sure. I can help you find anything in the library, that is what you're here for, is it not?"

"I need to find a quest to go on. Due to a lack of villages in plight, I'm out of work."

"I'm curious, why aren't you there now?"

"The idiot outside the library didn't know the password."

"Password? There is no password…"

I'd been had. I should have known; that old man was a little too strange for my liking.

We walked to the library, and I scowled at the old wizard. He just smirked and gave a little wave.

The quest section was huge! A large bookshelf, at least ten stories high, greeted my eyes.

"Where would you like to begin?"

"…"

"Sheila?" (We had introduced ourselves on the way over.)

"…"

"Hello? Earth to Sheila. Snap out of it!"

I snapped out of it.

"Um… Yes, where to begin. At the beginning, I suppose."

She raised an eyebrow at me and pointedly looked to the top shelf. I scowled, getting the point.

"Alright! Let's start at the bottom!" It really didn't matter either way.

She pulled several large tomes from the bottom shelf and set them down on a nearby table. The titles had worn away with time, and were illegible. I looked at her inquiringly.

"These are encyclopedias of several lost items that you can quest for, these books are quite old and might be a bit outdated, but I'm positive we'll find some thing for you to do."

Several hours later, I was still idly flipping through the encyclopedia.

__

The Zirconium wand… Found it. It fetched quite a price from a wizard of great skill, too. _The Zoo Pearl of Elare… _Fetched a fair price from her highness, the princess of Elomny. _The Yadrekian Ring… _Was not particularly valuable, it merely looked pretty. _Yodra's maze… _Was just a wooden box with no special value, except to an evil wizard I met. (I still don't know what that was about.)

Either I or someone else already found everything in the encyclopedia; I was getting agitated. Was there nothing to search for? Was there no hope for me?

I decided to read the next entry, and if that was nothing new, I would find some other line of work.

"Yuna's bracers… That sounds promising!" With great enthusiasm I read on, "Said to be found on an island in the middle of the icy sea. It imbues the wearer with a very rare skill."

I was definitely excited. I ran out of the library and jumped on my horse, ready to find the bracers. This would be my greatest quest yet!

*******************************************************************************

Me: so… What did you think?

Everyone else: ……

Ariana: Was that me?

Me: Who?

Ariana: The one who helped 'Sheila' in the library.

Me (smirking): As a matter of fact, it was.

Tyferlin: So, what do those bracers do? Dantrag Baenre had some that increase speed…

Me: They allow you to rub your belly and pat your head!

Geniv: That is a very rare skill, and _So_ useful too.

Me: Isn't it though?

(Everyone stares at me blankly)

Me: Never mind…

Tyferlin (annoyed and sarcastic): So, what are you doing next?

Me (perkily): That's your job!

Tyferlin: M-my job?

Me: You ARE my muse.

(Tyferlin gulps)

Me: It's your job to talk to the plot bunnies that live under my bed!

Tyferlin (cocky): A bunch of rabbits! Ha! I thought you were going to give me something hard to do!

Me: Of course, I'll have to turn you into a rabbit too… but that's nothing!

Tyferlin: eep! I'm not letting you turn me into a rabbit!

(Tyferlin runs to hide behind a bookshelf)

Me: I'll get you wherever you go!

(me Points finger at bookshelf and turns it into a rabbit, Tyferlin runs, and me tries again, accidentally turning the desk into a rabbit, Me chases Tyferlin around the room accidentally changing various pieces of furniture into rabbits)

Ariana: This is going to be a long night…

Geniv: You said it.


End file.
